Devotion for today: here I am, Lord, but where are You?

After the highs of the holidays, we tend to sink into the lows of winter. Our spiritual life parallels that roller coaster ride in what St. Ignatius of Loyola calls “Consolation and Desolation.” Today we will take a cursory look at desolation.

Scripture for meditation: Psalm 22:2-3

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me, far from my prayer, from the words of my cry? O my God, I cry out by day, and you answer not; by night, and there is no relief for me.

Christ tells us: Luke 6: 20-21

“Blessed are you who hunger; you shall be filled.”

Fr. Michael Gaitley, MIC, in his book “Consoling the Heart of Jesus” (Marian Press, 2011) explains:

A big part of the battle for spiritual joy is won simply when we become aware that we’re in a battle – and that the battle takes place on a roller coaster. The spiritual life (as well as the emotional life, to which it’s closely tied) is a series of ups, downs and somewheres-in-between. Saint Ignatius calls the ups “consolation” and the downs “desolation.” The ups are basically when we feel, well, like saints. In other words, it’s when we eagerly run to prayer, overflow with empathy and compassion for all, practice virtues with the greatest of ease, and seem to walk hand-in-hand with God himself. At some point, however, our high-riding roller coaster comes to the “big drop”, and down we go to the depths of desolation. Desolation is basically when prayer feels like eating dust, people easily irritate us, God seems light-years away, and we wonder, “Why the heck was I wasting my time with all that religious stuff?” Throw in nagging regret, self-loathing, sadness, fear, lack of energy for anything “spiritual”, and a burning urge for whatever distracts the mind, feeds the belly or arouses the senses, and we’ve got ourselves a good dose of desolation. Again, the first step to victory in the battle for spiritual joy is to become aware that the spiritual life is a roller coaster, rolling on through the ups and downs of consolation and desolation….”Keep your eyes open on the roller coaster of life!”

Prayer: Oh my Jesus, despite the deep night that is all around me and the dark clouds which hide the horizon, I know that the sun never goes out.” Saint Faustina in “The Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska” pg. 73.

My thoughts: If you are like me, it always helps to have a definition of the crummy state in which I sometimes find myself. I think Father Gaitley has done a superb job of translating St. Ignatius’s definitions into words with which all of us, at some time or another, can identify. No matter how hard we try, we are going to fall into desolation at some point. All the great saints did, so we need not despair. If they made it, we will as well. Now that we know what is wrong with us, tomorrow we will look at ways to help ourselves get back into the sun. I would like to urge everyone, if you have not already done so, to purchase the book “Consoling the Heart of Jesus, A Do-It Yourself Retreat Inspired by The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius” by Fr. Gaitley. I have just finished the self-guided retreat and cannot tell you how helpful it is in understanding how we “little souls” can keep ourselves close to Jesus all day long. It is beautiful.

Our prayer to God: Since desolation makes it difficult to pray, the best one we can say, all day, is “Jesus I trust in you” over and over and over. Keep an old penny in your pocket, and when the clouds seem to hide the sun, take it out and read the words this way, “In God I trust.”