Devotion for today: When Fathers Weep

 Luke 11:11-12: What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?

There is a silent victim of abortion who weeps inside his heart. He may have tried to stop the abortion, or he may have stood silently by and “out of respect for his girlfriend or wife” went along with the abortion. He may have encouraged or even demanded it. Not surprisingly, books are being written and testimonies are now surfacing from men who are suffering the long-term effects of being a partner in the death of their son or daughter. Men have an innate sense of being a protector, a defender of life, a provider, and abortion strips them of all that. If you or anyone you know is a silent victim of abortion, a man who can’t quite figure out why his life has derailed, then please refer to the articles attached to excerpts I have contained in today’s blog. Please contact Rachel’s Vineyard http://www.rachelsvineyard.org for post-abortion help and healing. God forgives everyone; we need only seek to confess our sin and receive His mercy. Please do. For the rest of us, as we spend this week of prayer, fasting and sacrifice to heal the nation and the world of the devastating effects of abortion, please include the would-be fathers in your prayers. Since by law they have no say in a woman’s right to abortion, they are the silent suffering mass of humanity forgotten in the debate. Let us not forget them.

According to recent research, men do grieve following abortion, but they are more likely to deny their grief or internalize their feelings of loss rather than openly express them. Then too, in our culture men are typically discouraged from expressing their feelings. When men do express their grief, they tend to do so in culturally prescribed "masculine" ways, i.e., anger, aggressiveness, control. Men typically grieve in a private way following an abortion. Because of this, men's requests for help may often go unrecognized and unheeded by those around them. Research evidence now suggests that following the loss of their unborn child some men may in fact grieve more than the mother. According to this same research, men are more likely to feel despair after a pregnancy loss, including a pervasive sense of hopelessness, one of the signs of chronic grief (Stinson, et al., "Parents' Grief Following Pregnancy Loss: A Comparison of Mothers and Fathers," Family Relations 41(1992): 218-223). Men's lives contain greater attachments and are more profoundly affected by fatherhood than is usually assumed. One father whose child died from abortion described his grief this way: "I wasn't in the room; I wasn't even in the clinic that day. But in my mind, I've been there a million times since. I've been there watching, breaking, wanting to rescue you. In my mind I need to be a hero not a killer, the man who didn't flee. But I am not. I am the man I fear I see." The lamentable reality of abortion is a fundamental index of our failure as a society to read and follow our moral compass. Only now are we beginning to see the extent of the harm abortion visits on women, men and the surviving children. It is clear that in addition to the other victims of abortion, men too suffer. They too pay a high price for reproductive "freedom." They too lose in the high stakes world of reproductive "choice" guided only by the self and expediency. Killing hurts the living too. It knows no gender bias. by Vincent M. Rue, Cynthia Tellefsen© National Catholic Bioethics CenterThis item 8089 digitally provided courtesy of CatholicCulture.org

In an L.A. Times survey of 3,600 men, 66% reported guilt and anxiety after their involvement with an abortion; other research indicates that men do indeed struggle with feelings of guilt, depression, anxiety, sexual dysfunction and anger after an abortion. Perhaps men are better equipped to stuff these feelings, or compartmentalize their grief, but this has its emotional and relational cost. Like women, unless they connect their pain and their symptoms to the complicated grief around the abortion wound, they are destined to continue to act out that pain in their lives -- often with destructive consequences for their spousal, family and work relationships. Many men are in deep but often quiet pain about their involvement in an abortion decision. It is important to look at their role as men in the abortion decision. For those who communicated ambivalence, manipulated or pressured for abortion, or in other ways abandoned the mother and child during this time of vulnerability and fear, a major issue is their failure as men to fulfill a fundamental aspect of their vocation -- the protection and care of mother and child. When the reality of their actions is clear, when it breaks through their workaholism, pornography addiction, extramarital affairs, depression, alcohol abuse and other ways they stuff down the pain, it is a very painful moment -- but it is the beginning of healing and reconciliation.They come to the full realization of what was lost and they face the deep grief of losing their precious child. This is when they need the support of other persons who understand their pain, and the reconciliation and healing of the Church. The statistics from the pro-abortion Alan Guttmacher Institute show that by the age of 45, 43% of all women, and hence about the same number of men, will have lost a child to abortion. Women who abort are sometimes called the "walking wounded," but there are millions of men as well who carry this pain in their hearts. We are everywhere, yet almost all of us remain alone in our pain.The Rachel's Vineyard Men's Page, Kevin Burke, http://www.rachelsvineyard.org/men/stories/zenit.htm

Harry Blackmun and six of his colleagues said the "right" to "terminate a pregnancy" was guaranteed by the Constitution. We can believe that they knew what "terminating a pregnancy" would do to the baby. Yet nowhere in the 60-plus pages of their opinion does it address what aborting a child would mean to the relationship between a man and a woman, and to the child's father. Nor did Blackmun and the rest discuss abortion's long-term effects.To grieve, we have to face what happened. That can be very difficult, because it means reliving the events of many years ago. In my case, I needed to be in a safe environment where I would not be condemned for what I had done. I am very blessed because I found this refuge with many people - - my parish priest, my best friend, and the loving staff at a Rachel's Vineyard retreat. Though he died before birth, I understand that he is still my son. He is part of the family. Even though I never got to hold him or talk to him, I was blessed with him. Fr. John Patrick Riley, my pastor, surprised me one day when he said my Matthew Peter was in heaven praying for me. What a wonderful thing to know, what a great comfort. The loss of Matthew and Emma(his wife, my note) was the loss of my family, and the sorrow will remain. But while I shall never forget, I am no longer incapacitated by that memory nor am I tortured by guilt and shame. The process of grieving and healing has taught me much, such as why abortion is in this land, and the importance of restoring legal protection to our unborn children. I know that we must also change the culture that allows abortion to exist. I understand why people mistakenly choose abortion, and that those who do are hurt people in need of our love and care. I understand the beauty and value of the gifts that we all need: healing, hope, rest, and peace. I am now free to live my life again, fully and happily. Free to love and laugh, to hope and dream. Free to start anew and to build better than ever before. By David A. Wemhoff, www.rachelsvineyard.org

Psalm 143: Hear my prayer, O Lord,
Give ear to my supplications! Answer me in Your faithfulness, in Your righteousness! And do not enter into judgment with Your servant, For in Your sight no man living is righteous. For the enemy has persecuted my soul; He has crushed my life to the ground; He has made me dwell in dark places, like those who have long been dead. Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me; My heart is appalled within me. I remember the days of old; I meditate on all Your doings; I muse on the work of Your hands.
 I stretch out my hands to You; My soul longs for You, as a parched land. Answer me quickly, O Lord, my spirit fails; Do not hide Your face from me, Or I will become like those who go down to the pit. Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning; For I trust in You; Teach me the way in which I should walk;
For to You I lift up my soul. Deliver me, O Lord, from my enemies. I take refuge in You. Teach me to do Your will, For You are my God; Let Your good Spirit lead me on level ground. For the sake of Your name, O Lord, revive me. In Your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble. And in Your lovingkindness, cut off my enemies And destroy all those who afflict my soul, For I am Your servant.



 

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